You're more than a parent

Girl’s trip, rescheduled!

It dawned on me recently that I haven’t gone a girls trip with my college girlfriends in 12 years.

Twelve!

These are my girls. We lived together. We shared each other’s clothes. We shared a lot of memories.

And then...life happened. Jobs, moves, families. Every year we say, “This is the year!” We make a Doodle. We get hopeful.

Then someone has another baby.

Forget about balancing all the things I need to do as a mom. I was feeling friend guilt.

I wish I could say this guilt was limited to my relationships with friends. But at various points it can be my role as a daughter, as a sister, as an in-law.

The guilt piles up quick

This newsletter usually focuses on you as a parent. Because, let’s be honest, that role is a lot. Especially on the weekend.

But recently I’ve been thinking about how “parent” is just one piece of who you are. A big piece, yes. But not the whole story.

You’re also someone’s child. Someone’s partner. Someone’s friend.

And those roles? They don’t go on pause just because your kid joined club soccer.

You might spend one evening planning a last-minute date night because you and your spouse haven’t had a real conversation in a week. The next morning, you’re texting your dad to remind him to take his blood pressure meds. And somewhere in the middle, you remember that poker night with your friends you meant to plan... last December.

Here’s the thing: parenting pulls focus. It demands your time, your energy, your snacks. But it’s not the whole story.

What does the data say?

Parenting pulls focus. It demands your time, your energy, your snacks. But it shouldn’t consume your entire identity.

A Harvard study conducted over 80 years found that close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed. Being connected to other’s is what drove happiness, longevity, and delayed physical and mental decline.

And these relationships extend beyond just your kids.

Our generation spends more time than ever with our nuclear families. But sometimes that happens at the expense of friendships and extended relationships that also matter deeply.

This is a solid reminder to text your college friend that you haven’t in a couple months and say hi.

This is your reminder to text that college friend you’ve been meaning to check in on. Just say hi.

It’s all too much, sometimes

I can write an entire post (and I might) about relationships with our spouses and with our own parents, if we’re lucky that they are still around.

We get consumed by the daily grind. It’s easy to forget to invest in the relationships that sustain us.

This isn’t about guilt. It’s about remembering.

You are many things to many people. You won’t show up perfectly in every role, every day. That’s not failure, it’s reality.

There’s no such thing as work-life balance. Life ebbs and flows. Some seasons require more from one part of us than another.

And relationships are no different.

Let them ebb. Let them flow. But don’t forget to keep showing up.

Even if it starts with just a text.