This week, I hit my limit. Not just my Instagram time (that happens daily). I hit my limit with managing devices in my house.

I wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to take a nap one afternoon, trusting my kids to keep themselves busy.

I woke up to find all three glued to YouTube: one on an iPad, two watching shorts on the TV.

How did this happen? I had spent hours setting up parental controls, restrictions, time limits. And yet, here we were. I wish I had more patience in that moment, but honestly? I was at my wits’ end.

And then it hit me. Maybe the real problem wasn’t their screen time. Maybe it was mine.

How we got here

We’re just as device-loaded as any family:

Once our kids were old enough to watch a show while traveling, they each got an iPad (~3 years old).

When my daughter turned 10, we got her an Apple Watch for safety and communication.

We’re holding off on phones as long as possible. I’m hoping we can make it to high school with my 12-year-old. A 2021 report by Common Sense Media found that 91% of 14-year-olds have a smartphone—so if we make it, we’ll be in the minority.

And that’s just the kids.

What about my husband and me?

• We’re on our phones constantly.

• I have an Apple Watch.

• We have Kindles.

• We manage everything through an app—our lights, our music, our grocery lists.

• We have Google Homes in half our rooms.

I’d love to say we model healthy tech habits, but the truth is…we don’t. And our kids are watching every second of it.

What does the research say

We all know too much screen time isn’t great for kids. But I just want to reinforce some crazy stats:

The younger a child gets a phone, the worse their mental well-being is. A study by Sapien Labs found that mental health improves the later a child gets a smartphone.

Our phone habits directly shape our children’s emotional intelligence. A UC Santa Barbara study of >400 parents of 5-12 year olds found that the biggest factor affecting a child’s emotional intelligence was whether their parent used a phone in front of them. And we know EI is going to be ever more important in the age of AI.

It’s not just about screen time—it’s about connection. When we’re on our devices, we have what’s called a “still face”, expressionless, unresponsive, and distracted. Studies show that when kids see this look from a parent, they interpret it as a sign of disinterest, detachment, or even sadness.

They may not come to us with that important question. We might not hear their funny story.

So, what can we do?

I’m not about to go off the grid. But if I want my kids to have a healthier relationship with technology, I have to go first.

Here’s what we’re trying:

1. Explain the “why.” If we just make rules without explaining them, our kids will find ways around them. Instead of, “You’re not allowed on TikTok,” we say: “TikTok is designed to keep you scrolling for hours, and we don’t want that controlling your time.”

2. Wait as long as possible before giving them a phone. The longer we wait, the better their mental health. Period.

3. Prioritize interactive tech over passive tech. A video game played with a sibling is better than mindless scrolling.

4. Let them connect with friends. We don’t want them to feel cut off from their social world. Our solution? Let them text with approved friends but they know you can monitor their messages at any time.

5. Set real boundaries on screen time. For us, that means 60-minute sessions on Friday and Saturday nights. No endless screen time after school. But airplane travel? No rules.

6. Create device-free zones. For us, it’s the dinner table, bedrooms, and bathrooms. Parents have to follow these rules too!

7. Set up parental controls, but don’t rely on them. I’ve learned the hard way: settings get bypassed, workarounds are found. Our kids will be tech-smarter than us before we know it.

8. Most importantly: Be the role model. If I’m telling my kids to put their screens away, I need to do the same. That means putting my phone down, looking them in the eye, and being present.

The hardest part? It starts with us.

Manchester High School in Connecticut recently banned cell phones, locking them away during the school day. The result? Higher grades. Better attendance. Fewer fights.

I believe more schools will take this step because the data is clear.

As for us adults, no one is babysitting or writing rules for us.

We make our own choices.

I don’t know exactly how my kids will handle technology as they grow up. But I do know this: if I want them to have a healthy relationship with screens, I have to go first.

What’s worked for you? I’d love to hear!