What tigers and helicopters have in common

It’s 6 PM, and you’ve just wrapped up a full day of meetings, emails, and juggling the demands of work. But your day isn’t over. Now, it’s time to dive into the other full-time job: parenting. Dinner, homework, soccer practice, bath time… and somewhere in there, you’re supposed to bond, teach life lessons, and make memories that will shape your child’s future.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. Parents today are experiencing more stress than ever, and it’s no wonder. There’s this overwhelming pressure to be everywhere and do everything for your kids. Welcome to the world of intensive parenting.

Today, I’ll offer an alternative approach for those who feel caught in the cycle of intensive parenting.

What is intensive parenting? Hint: It’s exactly what it sounds like.

Michael Barbaro recently covered this topic as related to parental stress on The Daily podcast, diving into why parents today feel more overwhelmed than ever. (Cue the episode for your next gym session.)

TLDR; It’s the belief that more is always better. More time spent with your kids. More extracurricular activities. More money poured into private lessons, special programs, and tutors. It’s this mindset that if you’re not constantly investing every waking moment into your child’s development, you’re falling behind as a parent—and they’re falling behind in life.

Here’s what intensive parenting often looks like:

• Time: Every waking moment is spent with your kids. Gone are the days of catching up with friends while the kids play outside. Now, your social life revolves around playdates, school events, and activities centered on your children.

• Money: From private violin lessons to coding camps, you invest in countless enrichment opportunities, fearing your child might fall behind if you don’t.

• Energy: You constantly worry about keeping your kids engaged, entertained, and occupied, leaving little space for their independence—or your own rest.

Here’s the truth: More isn’t always better. In fact, research shows that kids with overly involved parents tend to have higher levels of anxiety and less satisfaction in life. And while we’re running ourselves ragged trying to ensure their future success, we’re missing opportunities for them to develop critical skills like problem-solving, independence, and resilience.

I’m not immune to this intensity. I’ve also been pressured by social media, the books, and more. But I’ve learned to recognize it and make intentional shifts—like pulling my kids out of summer camps to let them create their own fun or letting them ride their bikes unsupervised around the neighborhood.

The alternative: Intentional parenting

What if, instead of constantly being on, you could dial back the intensity and still raise confident, capable kids?

Intentional parenting is the antidote to the burnout of intensive parenting. It’s not about doing more—it’s about doing less, but with purpose.

How can you make 15 intentional minutes more impactful than hours of hovering?

Here’s a simple approach:

1. Have a purpose: Think about what you want to achieve in that time. Is it to teach a lesson, reinforce a value, or simply connect through laughter and play?

2. Have a plan: What will you do to get there? It could be a game, a conversation, or an activity that helps you bond.

3. Celebrate micro-moments: These small, intentional moments compound over time, building trust and strengthening your relationship with your child.

Why it matters

Loosening the reins offers multiple benefits. First of all, we will have some mental space for our own sanity. Second, your child will develop critical skills like problem solving, decision making, and dealing with failure. Finally, you’ll build a deeper connection through the power of small moments.

Madeline Levine, psychologist and author of The Price of Privilege, offers three signs that you might be overparenting:

1. You do things for your kids that they can already do for themselves.

2. You do things for your kids that they almost can do for themselves.

3. Your parenting decisions are driven more by your own ego than by what’s best for your child.

Parenting isn’t about choosing a “right” way. It’s about finding what works for you and your family. But if you’re feeling overwhelmed by intensive parenting, it’s worth considering a shift to a more intentional approach.

I hope this resonates with you, and that you can start carving out intentional moments to breathe while helping your kids develop the skills they need to thrive.