About last weekend

Saturday night, I was sitting with some friends after a long day of keeping our kids entertained. We were all wiped. Someone asked, “Why does this feel so hard sometimes?”

At first, we joked about how kids have unlimited energy while adults run on caffeine and glasses of wine. But as we talked, we started digging into something deeper—why does parenting feel like something you’re constantly trying to keep up with?

One answer might lie in how we use the word itself.

Parent vs. parent

Saying “I am a parent” is a statement of fact. It’s a role you have, like being a friend, a sibling, or a human who needs eight hours of sleep but gets five. No one can argue with it.

Saying “I parent” turns it into an action—something active, ongoing, and, let’s be honest, something you can feel like you’re doing wrong. It puts pressure on the idea that you should constantly be improving, optimizing, and getting better at raising kids.

When did this shift happen?

When “parenting” became a job

Linguistically, "parent" has been a noun for centuries, but its use as a verb really took off in the 1970s. The rise of “parenting” as an active pursuit was influenced by a few key cultural shifts:

More moms entered the workforce – With both parents working, new conversations emerged about how to balance career and home life. Suddenly, raising kids wasn’t just something you did—it was something you managed.

The explosion of parenting advice – In the mid-20th century, experts like Dr. Spock made parenting feel like something that could (and should) be studied, refined, and perfected.

Comparison culture took hold - First, it was books. Then TV shows. Then social media. And suddenly, we were all watching people "parenting" better than us. According to a study by Zero to Three, 64% of parents report that TV portrayals influence their parenting choices.

These changes weren’t bad—but they came with an unintended side effect: the pressure to always be doing more

The problem with parenting as a skill

When we treat parenting like a skill—something to train, improve, and master—it creates an impossible standard. Parenting is never done. There’s no test where you pass and get a certificate saying, Congratulations! You’re a fully competent parent now!

Yes, there are things we learn over time. But kids aren’t a project. Some days, you feel like the world’s most patient and engaged parent. Other days, you hand them an iPad and count the minutes until bedtime. That’s not failure. That’s just life.

And yet, because we view “parent” as a verb, it’s easy to feel like we’re constantly being graded.

Social media only amplifies this. Just like you can watch someone’s flawless golf swing and feel like your game needs work, you can see someone’s curated family moments and wonder if you’re measuring up.

What if we stopped "parenting"?

I’m not saying we stop caring. But what if we stopped thinking of raising kids as something we need to optimize and instead focused on simply being?

Instead of “parenting,” we:

• Show up

• Listen

• Support

• Love

Your kids will learn more from watching how you live—how you treat people, handle stress, and navigate life—than from any specific parenting technique.

Instead, ask this one question:

“Am I being the kind of person I want my kids to learn from?”

Because at the end of the day, you’re not just parenting—you’re living alongside them. And that’s what they’ll remember most.

Thanks for tuning in this week!