What the best leaders do differently—at work and at home

Work is a lot more like parenting than you realize

I haven’t shared this widely before, but I’m sharing it with you now for an important reason.

Last year, I took a leave of absence from my full-time job because I was burned out. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I felt like I was failing—both at work and as a person. On one hand, I was supposed to be this ambitious, capable tech leader. On the other, I was walking away from the very thing I had worked so hard to build.

After taking time off to reflect, I realized that the root of my burnout wasn’t workload—it was lack of focus. Without a clear vision or strategy, I was constantly switching gears. I was saying “yes” to everything, and as a result, my energy was spread too thin.

Here’s the kicker: the same thing can happen at home.

How it shows up at home

As parents, we often feel like we’re supposed to do it all. Birthday parties, holiday events, extracurricular activities, work obligations, family traditions—the list is endless.

The problem isn’t just that we’re busy; it’s that we’re busy with everything instead of focusing on what matters most.

Parenting without a strategy is like running a business without a plan. You’re constantly reacting to whatever comes your way, saying “yes” to everything because you’re not sure what to say “no” to. Over time, that lack of focus wears you down.

What great organizations get right

Think of the best organization you’ve been a part of. Chances are, it thrived because they were clear about what they wanted to achieve and how they would get there.

Great organizations have:

• A clear mission

• Defined values

• Focused priorities 

• A plan to execute

When you’re part of a well-run organization, you know what’s important and what isn’t. You have clarity, direction, and the confidence to say no to things that don’t align with the mission.

Now imagine applying that same strategy to your family.

What most families are missing

Most families I know don’t operate with the same clarity as the great organizations. Instead, we’re stuck in reactive mode:

• We RSVP “yes” to birthday parties for kids our children barely know.

• We fill weekends with errands and commitments that don’t leave time for rest or connection.

• We say “yes” to holiday activities that no one actually enjoys. (Yes, I stopped going to pumpkin patches.)

The result? Burnout. Exhaustion. And a nagging feeling that we’re missing out on what really matters.

A strategic family plan

The new year is the perfect time to change this. Instead of letting life happen to your family, you can take charge by creating a strategic plan. A great way to start is by scheduling a 3-4 hour off with your parsitetner.

During it, cover the following:

1. Set Your Family Vision

What kind of family do you want to be? What do you want your kids to remember about their childhood? Your vision doesn’t have to be perfect—it just needs to capture the essence of what matters most to your family.

For example:

• “We are a family that prioritizes quality time together, curiosity, and kindness.”

• “We strive to live simply, love deeply, and give generously.”

Your vision is your compass. It will guide every decision you make as a family.

2. Define Your Family Values

Pick 5–10 values that reflect what’s most important to your family. Think of these as your family’s DNA—principles that will guide how you live and spend your time.

Examples include: Curiosity, Resilience, Adventure, Community, and Humor.

Use my comprehensive values list during your offsite to create 5-10 values.

When you define your values, you’ll know what to prioritize and what to let go of.

3. Make a ‘No-Go’ List

One of the most powerful things you can do as a family is decide what you won’t do.

For example:

• Say no to over-scheduling weekends.

• Limit the number of extracurricular activities each season.

• Skip events that don’t align with your values.

Your no-go list is your permission slip to protect your family’s time and energy.

4. Build an Annual Plan

Now that you have a vision, values, and a no-go list, create a plan for the year ahead. This isn’t about rigid schedules—it’s about being intentional.

Include things like:

• Bucket-list activities (e.g., a road trip, visiting a museum, camping in the backyard).

• Regular family rituals (e.g., game nights, Sunday dinners, or nature walks).

• Space for rest and downtime.

A plan helps ensure you’re living out your values and building the memories that matter most.

5. Review and Refine Together

Finally, share your plan with your kids. Let them weigh in on the plan—it helps them feel invested.

Focus brings fulfillment

When you create a strategic plan for your family, you reclaim your time and energy. You stop living reactively and start focusing on what truly matters.

The result? Less burnout, more connection, and a stronger sense of purpose for everyone in your family.

As we head into the new year, I challenge you to try this. Set your family’s vision. Define your values. Say no to what doesn’t matter so you can say yes to what does.

Your family deserves it. And so do you.

Let me know how your offsite goes and what you discover. I’d love to hear your family’s vision!