No one wants a micromanager

How leaders lead at home

I often think about the best leaders I’ve worked with—CEOs, senior executives, and those rare individuals who inspire entire organizations to thrive. I imagine them at home, effortlessly motivating their kids the way they do their employees. Maybe they’re delivering Monday morning pep talks over pancakes or reinforcing family KPIs during dinner.

But here’s the truth: leadership in the workplace and leadership at home aren’t always the same. In fact, the very skills that make someone an exceptional leader at work can sometimes backfire in the chaos of family life.

I learned this lesson the hard way.

The summer of micromanagement

One summer, I thought I’d master both parenting and productivity. I created a detailed agenda for my kids—hour by hour, week by week. Camps, playdates, family outings—it was a masterpiece. My goal? Keep them entertained so I could focus on my work without interruptions.

Here’s what happened instead:

Every day, I found myself frustrated. My kids weren’t sticking to “the plan.” I’d step out of meetings to check on them, only to see my carefully crafted plans unraveling. Instead of making our lives easier, my micromanaging created more stress—for me and for them.

That summer taught me a hard truth: Micromanaging doesn’t work. Not at work, and definitely not at home.

Are you a micromanager

Let’s do a self-check. If you recognize yourself in these scenarios, you may be falling into micromanagement mode:

• You’re the parent who argues with the coach about playing time or game strategy.

• You dictate what your child wears every day.

• You insist on overseeing every bite at dinner to “make sure they eat enough.”

• You intervene during playdates to check if everything is “going okay.”

• You secretly read their text messages or hover over their online activities.

• You choose their extracurriculars, prioritizing your vision over their interests.

• You immediately contact another parent whenever an issue arises at school.

Sound familiar? Now, ask yourself a tougher question: How many of these would your spouse or co-parent say apply to you?

Why do we micromanage?

Micromanaging often comes from a place of love and care. But it’s not always helpful. Here’s why we fall into the trap:

• You want them to succeed. You worry that if they fall behind now, they’ll struggle later—in high school, in college, in life.

• You’re craving control. When work or life feels overwhelming, it’s tempting to control what you can—your child’s schedule, activities, or outcomes.

• You’re trying to optimize time. Between work and family, life feels like a constant juggling act. Micromanaging can feel like the fastest way to “make everything work.”

• You want to protect them. You love your kids deeply and want to shield them from failure or pain.

But here’s the truth: micromanaging does more harm than good.

The downside of being overly involved

Think about the worst micromanaging boss you’ve ever had. How did they make you feel? Frustrated? Resentful? Like you couldn’t be trusted to figure things out on your own?

Kids feel the same way when we micromanage. And it goes beyond emotions—there are measurable, long-term impacts.

A study from BYU found that children with helicopter parents tend to have lower self-worth and are more likely to engage in risky behaviors. Why? Because constant intervention sends the message that they aren’t capable of navigating life on their own.

Research from the University of Minnesota found that kids with over-involved parents struggle to handle challenges independently. They’re less equipped to manage setbacks, whether it’s a tricky math problem or a disagreement with a friend.

As the Gottman Institute puts it:

This inability to solve problems and make decisions on their own can lead to anxiety and self-doubt.

How to parent like a CEO

If your family gave you a 360-degree review of your parenting style, what do you think they’d say? Better yet, ask your kids directly—they’re usually refreshingly honest.

Here’s how to shift from micromanaging to leading with vision:

1. Be the Example: Model the behaviors and values you want to see in your kids. They’re watching and learning.

2. Set the Vision: Articulate your family’s goals and values, then let your kids figure out their own paths to achieve them.

3. Step Back: Resist the urge to intervene. Allow them to navigate challenges like forgotten homework or friendship conflicts.

4. Encourage Problem-Solving: Don’t swoop in to fix everything. Help them think critically and come up with their own solutions.

5. Embrace Boredom: Unstructured time isn’t wasted—it’s where creativity and independence thrive.

6. Let Them Fail: It’s hard to watch, but failure is a critical part of growth.

The summer after my micromanagement disaster, I tried a different approach. I let my kids plan their own schedules (with a few non-negotiables). We cut back on camps and left large blocks of time unscheduled.

The results? They were happier. I was less stressed. And we all had a lot more fun.

What do you think? Ready to let go?