"How was school?" is so old-school

The power of communication

I’ve always been drawn to the art of communication. As a competitive debater, podcast host, and someone who worked at a company analyzing sales conversations with AI, it’s been a central part of my life.

But even with all that, it took me a while to truly understand the power of communication with our kids.

Sure, we talk to our kids every day, about routines, tasks, and the occasional deeper conversation during bedtime or in the car.

But when I talk to parents, one of the biggest challenges they share is this:
“My child doesn’t open up.”

Or worse, they fear that as their kids grow into teens, communication will only get harder.

The truth is, conversation with kids isn’t just a small thing—it’s a huge unlock for connection, growth, and meaning, now and in the future.

So today, I’m sharing my favorite tips and research-backed strategies for having the best conversations with your child.

What a conversation is and isn’t

Not every exchange is a conversation. Just like at work, talking doesn’t always equal connection. At home, conversation is not:

• Disciplining your child

• Lecturing or teaching a lesson

• Listing to-dos or reminders

While these things are necessary, they aren’t the back-and-forth interaction that defines true conversation. A conversation happens with your child, not at your child.

Here’s why this matters:

A study by MIT researchers on children ages 4-6 found that the number of “conversational turns” (the back-and-forth exchanges between parent and child) directly impacts brain development and language skills.

As parents, we have a huge opportunity to boost our child’s development—just by having real conversations with them.

How to build great conversation

Here are some tried-and-true tips for meaningful, rich conversations:

1. Choose the right moment

Meaningful conversations happen best when your child is fed, rested, and comfortable like at bedtime or the dinner table. If they approach you when you’re busy, and it feels important, try to carve out time. It might not always fit your schedule, but it’s worth it.

2. Ask open-ended questions

Start with “How,” “Why,” or “Imagine if…” This gives kids space to elaborate and share what’s in their hearts and minds.

3. Follow up

If your child shares something, go deeper. Ask, “Why do you think that?” or “What made you choose that?” It shows you’re truly listening.

4. Make it playful

Kids’ imaginations are boundless—meet them there! Ask something fun like, “Imagine we were a LEGO family. What would we eat for dinner?” Playfulness invites creativity and connection. (Inspired by The Art of Talking with Children by Rebecca Rolland.)

5. Try side-by-side moments

Eye contact can feel intense for kids. Sitting side by side—like in the car or lying in bed—creates a more relaxed atmosphere for them to open up.

6. Use writing as a bridge

If verbal conversations feel tough, try a shared journal. Parent-child journals create a safe, structured way to connect and share thoughts. Get one here: Mom/Daughter; Mom/Son; Dad/Daughter; Dad/Son.

7. Lean into their interests

IWhen was the last time you dove into what they love—Pokémon, Roblox, Ariana Grande, or Bluey? Do a little homework, learn a few fun facts, and surprise them. Showing interest in their passions strengthens your connection and makes them feel seen.

Life gets in the way

Real talk: Life is busy. Here’s how to handle common hurdles:

Traveling for work? Use FaceTime or phone calls. Play a voice-based game or doodle together online—it keeps the interaction playful and meaningful.

Can’t get one-on-one time? While dedicated time is ideal, group conversations at the dinner table or car rides can still foster rich exchanges.

Too tired after work? Give yourself a break. Some days won’t be perfect, and that’s okay. The important thing is to show up when you can, even if it’s just for a few moments.

The takeaway

The majority of your time with your kids happens in a condensed period of years. Make the most of it.

Rich, meaningful conversations aren’t just nice, they’re transformative. They strengthen your bond today and prepare your kids for the future.

So here’s to creating meaningful moments, one conversation at a time!