Don’t make these 11 parenting mistakes (Trust me, I have)

As a mom to three awesome (and sometimes exhausting) kids, all 11 and under, I’ve learned a lot along the way. Looking back, there are things I wish I did differently, and I’m sharing them here in case you’re a few steps behind me on the parenting journey.

Take what you need, leave what doesn’t fit, and hopefully, avoid some of the mistakes I made.

Today’s agenda:

• 11 lessons from 11 years of parenting

• Reflection exercise to make change now

The party I didn’t need to attend

I remember attending a birthday party for a kid at one of those typical trampoline spots. But this wasn’t just any birthday party.

There were 50+ kids in attendance, along with their parents—so we’re talking 150 people crammed into one chaotic space. It was noisy, exhausting, and honestly, I wasn’t enjoying it. I didn’t want to make small talk with people I barely knew, and I’m not even sure how much fun the birthday kid had with all the chaos.

Looking back, it’s one of those moments where I did something because I felt like I had to. I could’ve left early, or even politely declined the invite, and no one would’ve thought less of me.

Lesson: It’s okay to be a little selfish as a parent. Not every event or obligation is worth your energy. Sometimes, saying "no" is better for everyone.

11 lessons from 11 years of parenting

We’ve all read those posts from parents of grown kids saying they wish they attended more games, spent more time together, etc. I’m still in the thick of it, so my regrets hit a little differently. Here we go…

1. I wish I wrote down all the funny things my kids said

I was sure I’d remember all those hilarious one-liners and cute quirks. Turns out, my memory is worse than expected. If I had started a simple journal or even a Google Doc, I’d have some gems to pull out for future wedding speeches.

2. I wish I didn’t buy so much stuff

Toys, gadgets, playsets—most of it collected dust before getting shipped off to Goodwill (or the trash). This applies to bday and holiday gifts too. Research from the University of Toledo suggests that fewer toys actually lead to better quality play among young children, encouraging creativity and focus.

3. I wish I took them on work trips

Bringing them along would’ve given them a glimpse into my world and created unique bonding moments.

4. I wish I did more 1:1 trips sooner

Even short trips make them feel special. I should’ve started those mini adventures much earlier. And this one on one time would help me tap into individual feelings, leading to my next regret…

5. I wish I showed more empathy

Understanding their big feelings could’ve helped me manage my own reactions better, especially when work stress followed me home.

6. I wish I didn’t waste time on toddler soccer

In hindsight, I would’ve ditched the organized chaos and just kicked a ball around the park or backyard for some low-pressure bonding time.

7. I wish I gave them chores earlier

I waited until my oldest was 10 before assigning real chores. That was a miss. Even young kids can handle age-appropriate responsibilities, and it helps them build a sense of ownership and contribution to the family. According to a Harvard study, kids who are given chores early in life develop stronger responsibility and work ethic.

8. I wish I didn’t try to excel at everything

I put so much pressure on myself to be the best—at work, at home, and everywhere in between. In hindsight, it would have been okay to let some things slide in order to preserve my own sanity. No wonder parental stress is at an all time high.

9. I wish I supported new parents more

Whether it was bringing meals or checking in on colleagues on leave, I could have done more to make their transition into parenthood easier. It takes a village, and I wasn’t always part of it.

10. I wish I wasn’t so strict about certain routines

I used to follow our home routine exactly even on trips. Looking back, skipping a bath or letting things slide wouldn’t have hurt—and might’ve made life a lot easier.

11. I wish we went on more date nights early on

You have to get this on the calendar. Only later on did we start a weekly Thursday night date night. It is worth the cost of a sitter to reconnect with your partner. You won’t regret it.

Regrets aside, one thing is for sure, I have ZERO regrets about being a parent to these three special kiddos. Being a parent is a rollercoaster ride that I’m all here for.

Here’s what you can do

Got your own list of regrets swirling in your head? Don’t let them just sit there. Ask yourself these three questions:

1. Does this still impact me today?

2. What’s the real impact of this regret?

3. Can I change my behavior for the better now?

You’d be surprised how much you can still change. Turn those regrets into opportunities for growth. In fact, they might just become some of your biggest strengths as a parent.

As for me? I’m off to start that Google Doc so I can remember all the crazy, wonderful things my kids say and do.

What should I write about next? Let me know what's on your mind!