No one ever told me this

I remember those newborn days like they were yesterday — the sleep deprivation, the constant nursing or bottle washing, the weird twilight hours where you’re not sure if it’s morning or night. It’s all a soft haze now because when I look back at photos from that time, I realize I don’t remember half of those moments.

But here’s the thing. I expected to be tired then. Everyone told me to get ready for sleepless nights. People asked about how much the baby was sleeping, if I was getting any rest, like it was part of the checklist.

What no one told me was that I’d be tired basically forever.

Now, with three kids over age seven, I’m still tired. All the time! And honestly, I kind of hate it. But what I hate most is that I’m usually exhausted when it matters most, like in the evenings, when I’m with my family.

It’s not just you. It’s an epidemic.

If you’re nodding your head reading this, you’re definitely not alone. Over 60% of parents report feeling burned out, according to the American Psychological Association.

And it’s not just about being tired. Research shows that parental burnout makes us emotionally check out from our kids. Which sounds dramatic, but if we’re honest, we know what that looks like in real life: scrolling our phones when we should be present, snapping at our kids over tiny things, or feeling numb when we actually want to feel connected.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about this question: How do we protect some energy for the moments that matter?

Because if we don’t figure that out, we end up giving our kids whatever scraps are left over after the world gets our best, and that’s not the parent any of us want to be.

Where does our energy actually go?

We think of energy as physical, like how much sleep we get or if we drank enough water (although both of those things do help).

But parenting drains energy in ways no one talks about.

Mental load: all the "Did I sign the permission slip? Are we out of milk? Is that a cough or the start of something worse?" thoughts running constantly in the background.

Emotional labor: managing everyone’s feelings all day, trying to stay calm during meltdowns, putting on a good face when you just want to hide in the pantry.

Decision fatigue: making about 47 tiny choices before lunch, like what to pack for snacks and how much screen time to allow.

Physical exhaustion: sure, from lack of sleep or running around, but sometimes from not moving enough, too.

And then…monotony. The quiet energy drain no one warns you about. Doing the same routines, answering the same questions, packing the same lunches, enforcing the same bedtime battles. It’s like being stuck on a hamster wheel that someone keeps speeding up.

How to save energy for what matters

Here are some things that have helped me (and some I’m still working on) to keep a little gas in the tank for the moments I care about most.

During the Day

• Block 5-minute breaks between meetings like they’re non-negotiable. And actually use them — sit, breathe, stare into space, whatever.

• Say "no" to one thing a day. Skip a meeting, don’t answer that email, don’t volunteer for another bake sale. One less thing to carry.

• Brain dump before "clocking out" — write down unfinished tasks so you’re not mentally working while also trying to do bedtime.

Transitioning to Parent Mode

• Sit for two minutes in your car or on your couch or in your office before shifting into "parent mode."

• Blast your favorite song on the way home, something that reminds you who you are outside of being a parent.

• Eat a snack before walking in the door. A high protein snack that won't leave you hangry when you face your kids' chaos.

• Set one tiny intention for the night: "I’m going to laugh with them" or "I'm not checking my phone until bedtime."

In the Evening

• Have low-energy connection rituals ready: "Would You Rather" at dinner, a 5-minute dance party, or a prompt from your Parint quest.

• Create simple traditions to look forward to: Taco Tuesday, board game night , or family show night.

• Involve Your Children: Engaging them in simple tasks like turning off the lights or taking out the trash, as it teaches responsibility and breaks things up.

• Celebrate effort: Praise your partner and raise each other up!

For Life in General

• Ask for help without guilt. Let people show up for you.

• Outsource where you can. We’ll spend money on dinner out but hesitate to pay for help. Shift the spend to things that actually give you your energy back.

• Put yourself on your to-do list. One thing for you daily — watch a show, call a friend, or can I dare say, a hobby?

I leave you with this

Here’s what I’ve realized: Parenting is as much about energy management as it is about time management.

If we want to show up for the moments that matter — the connection, the fun, the love — we have to protect the energy to actually be there.

So if you’ve been wondering why you feel like you’re running on empty, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong. It’s because this is a heavy lift, and it’s okay to find ways to make it lighter.

What’s one way you’re going to protect your energy this week?