Technology is kind of scary

Last week, I posted on LinkedIn about the show Adolescence and what it got me thinking about as a parent. People engaged with the post, not because I shared a hot take, but because it touched something real.

In the comments, a few parents shared deeply personal stories about their sons being bullied online. But what surprised me most was this: even after going through that, they didn’t say, “Ban all phones forever.” Instead, they talked about teaching kids safe habits. Not banning, but guiding.

That really stuck with me.

Everything’s extreme right now, including how we parent

Our society has gotten intense. Whether it's politics, skincare, or what kind of water bottle you drink from, everything feels all-or-nothing.

A few from the world of parenting:
“No iPads. Ever.”
“No sugar. Ever.”
“Only wear 100 percent organic cotton. Always.”

You get the point.

Tech is no different. And honestly, I catch myself doing it too, even though I grew up watching plenty of TV and didn’t have screen limits. I think I turned out okay-ish. You can be the judge of that 😉

But now, as a technologist and a mom, I find myself torn between two extremes:
Protecting my kids from the wild, weird internet and empowering them to use tech as a force for good.

Why is the tech world so at odds?

I’ve worked at multiple tech companies, including ones that made products for kids.

And let me tell you, they were rarely thinking about kids’ well-being. They were thinking about three things:

Engagement — How do we get people to use this every day?
Growth — How do we get more people on it?
Monetization — How do we make more money per user?

Not exactly child-friendly.

Apps like Instagram were built for adults. But adults aren’t your future growth engine. Kids are. And so, inevitably, kids get pulled into products that were never meant for them.

Now AI is doing the same thing.

How to think about tech use

Instead of asking, “Is this app good or bad?” I’ve found it’s more helpful to ask, “How is my child using it?”

Every piece of technology lives somewhere on a spectrum. Some tools encourage creativity and connection. Others are pure entertainment. Some just eat time.

I use a simple mental model to sort it all:

1. Is the engagement active or passive? Are they creating, collaborating, or just zoning out?

2. Is there a clear purpose or intention? Is it meaningful or just mindless?

I mapped this out in a visual quadrant that shows where common apps like YouTube, FaceTime, Duolingo, and Minecraft might land. It’s not about banning everything in the bottom left. It’s about spending more time in the top right — tools that are engaged and intentional.

You don’t have to live in the top-right corner, but maybe try to avoid the bottom-left. Yes, this applies to adults too.

*Platforms like Minecraft and Roblox? It depends. They can be amazing creative tools or full of chaos and creepy chats. Monitor, co-play, and stay curious.

What about AI?

This is the part most parents feel completely unsure about. And I get it — AI feels like it's moving faster than any of us can process.

But here’s the thing: AI is not one thing. It’s a tool that can show up in any quadrant depending on how it's used.

The other day, my son had a school project to interview someone in a career he admired. He chose Mark Cuban. So we “interviewed” Mark using ChatGPT. We crafted the questions together, and let the AI generate thoughtful responses based on Mark’s background. He learned more than if he’d read five articles.

My hope is that AI companies do things differently than the Meta generation and realize that children are already using their products. Please build with guardrails, parental notifications, and safety in mind.

Advice from experts

I loved hearing from other parents. But I also wanted insights from people who’ve spent years working at the intersection of education, tech, and child development.

Jonathan Haidt, author of the Anxious Generation says don’t go at it alone, “If you’re the only parent who doesn’t give your kid a phone, well, then you’re a bad mom…But if you work with five of the parents of your kid’s friends so that you’re all on the same page, and you don’t just take away the phones, but you actually encourage them to go out and play together…well then we’ve won.”

Professor Sherry Turkl founding director of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self and author of Reclaiming Conversation, "The best thing parents can do to protect their children is to unplug and interact face-to-face."

Digital parenting coach Elizabeth Milovidov proposes, “It is about empowering them to make smart decisions, and we do that when they are at a very young age. We are trying to teach them how to behave when we are not in the room, when we are not looking over their shoulder – that’s what digital guardianship is.”

These perspectives highlight that while tech presents challenges, as parents, we can use intentional approaches to help our kids navigate the digital world safely and meaningfully.

Now what?

There’s no perfect answer, but here’s what I try to do:

• Stay in the loop on what my kids are using

• Talk about how they feel while using it

• Co-play or co-watch when I can

• Model what intentional use actually looks like

What about you?

What’s your biggest fear when it comes to kids and technology?
What would you want more help with?

Hit reply. I’d love to hear it.